Hello Sunshine,
I came across this little homosnippet on the world’s biggest gay icons [Presumably meant in terms of popularity, not physical size – Ed.] and it lead me to some mental machinations that I felt worthy of reflection and/or debate:
OnePoll.com [Er, who? – Ed.] recently conducted a survey of “over five thousand gay men and women” and came up with what is being touted as a definitive, all-encompassing list of the top gay icons of all time. Their findings:
Top Ten Male Celebrity Gay Icons of All Time:
1. Elton John
2. Freddie Mercury
3. Stephen Fry
4. George Michael
5. Oscar Wilde
6. Will Young
7. Alan Carr
8. Paul O’Grady
9. Boy George
10. David Beckham
Top Ten Female Celebrity Gay Icons:
1. Judy Garland
2. Kylie Minogue
3. Madonna
4. Cher
5. Liza Minnelli
6. Marilyn Monroe
7. Shirley Bassey
8. Lily Savage
9. Dusty Springfield
10. Barbra Streisand
It seems to me that very few South African homosexuals were asked to partici-pay-te in this online wankery and the whole thing, seems a tad too British. Which is all very well and good if your nearest subway station is Islington and you like your ‘lip’ both ‘stiff’ and ‘upper’. But for those of us living in the shadow of Table Mountain or who battle the seemingly neverending Gautrain roadworks, a “Mzansi fo sho” approach is needed.
So, drumroll please, herewith J.Orl’s List Of Top South African Gay Icons Of All Time…Like, Ever:
…and because we’re not genderist [And/or there just wasn’t time to do two seperate lists – Ed.] we’re offering a gender-neutral list. Because fag hags and lesbians can be icons too ya’know…
In no particular (alphabetical) order, they are:
Cherel de Villers-Haines – Okay, so she’s not on Isidingo anymore, in fact she’s not even a real person, but we love and miss the campness of her villainous acts, which included murder and kidnapping, but all – and this is the important bit dahlings, while looking totally stylishious.
Ian von Memerty & Sandy Ngema (joint award) – They’re not gay but the two, who present Strictly Come Dancing, are full of witty one-liners, don’t take themselves too seriously and are so fag-friendly they probably watch Brothers & Sisters just to see what Scotty and Kevin are up to.
Joost van der Westhuizen – What could be more gay than slutty relations involving drugs? But next time Joostjie, lose the holy undies and get yourself some Calvin Klein boxers. Tres sexier, darling!
Karen Zoid – This is one rock chick who’s rock chic, and who never forgets her moffie fans. Dankie Karen, ons wardeer jou!
Khanyi Mbau – Oh, the dramz of Miss Thing’s A-list life is just too addicitive for us gays to pass up. She surrounds herself with a gaggle of gay boys, is always dressed impeccibly, gets into catfights and says bitchy things like “Uyanda Mbuli is old” and “I hate Kelly Khumalo, who’s pregnant by the way”. Plus she unashamedly loves rich men. Methinks Khanyi might actually be a gay man trapped in a straight woman’s body.
Nataniel – For obvious reasons, I won’t go into this one. Even if he is a bottom [Oh, that’s a terrible pun – Ed.]
Patricia Lewis – Show me a Pretoria drag queen who doesn’t want to impersonate Poppie and I’ll tattoo her name across my nipples.
PJ Powers – While she’s never publicly admitted to batting for the other team, PJ is an ardent supporter of gay rights. [And a big ‘ol lesbian, maybe??? I’m not saying! – Ed.]
Robert Whitehead – Isidingo’s bad boy business tycoon Barker Haines is one of the country’s few openly-gay, A-list, working actors. [And a delightful old queen in real life – Ed.]
Tannie Evita Bezuidenhout – SA’s first lady of drag, ambassador to Bapetikosweti and Dieter Dirk Uys’ legendary alter-ego. Oooooh liewe skatties, sy’s mooi neh?
Honourable mentions: Edith Venter for being refreshingly down-to-earth and the closest thing SA has to Liz Taylor, Kuli Roberts for being fabulous, Rowan Cloete for not being shy to whip off his shirt, Dieter Voigt for not being shy to whip off his shirt, Janez Vermeiren for not being shy to whip off his shirt…you get where this is going, right?
Peace, love and six packs (the non-beer variety) to ya’ll,
Jared ‘J.Orl’ Orlin
PS: I know I said I’d blog daily and four days in I already missed a day, but my iBurst didn’t work in Hartebeestpoort Dam where I was attending/covering Darren Scott’s wedding [Which, by the way, was to Sarah-Kate Seaward and not Liza van Zyl, as reported in Monday’s The Star – Ed.]
Begging forgiveness to my 4.2 readers…
Gossip Guy 